Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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