she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
he told me I talked like a deaf person
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
