Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
