Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
