i don't like sucking hair
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
