sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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