i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
i've created a new STD.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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