oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize