He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
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