dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
