Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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