he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm both gender and math confused
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
