so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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