I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
