we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
When are your genitals available?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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