The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
