Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize