i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
