just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
