the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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