do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
