An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
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I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
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The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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