I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
