honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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