Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
