I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
