Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
