i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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