Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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