fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
