Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I need to calm my uterus...
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