Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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