We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
