"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
