bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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