you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize