He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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