I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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