You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
