Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
