The best revenge is premature balding
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
