Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
