is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
