at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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