What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
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He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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