Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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