Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
