Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
