I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
