Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
