So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Randomize
