I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
