I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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