She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
