I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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