then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Michael Bay diarrhea
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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