Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
