I'd wear matching sweaters with you
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
