Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
