remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
