Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
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