PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
