do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Randomize
