dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
