he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
