**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
