i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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