There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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