My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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