i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
