I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
