he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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