but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
