god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
