I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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