I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
