I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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