I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
