i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
