Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
