i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
