I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
someone owes me an orgasm
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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